ok, here it is... a new entry;

    girls with really nice tits who wear tops specifically designed to show over 94 percent of their surface area,

         "but..."

get annoyed when they catch guys looking at them.

 

 

       look. you're providing the eye-full of titty-ness, so don't get pissed that it fills up other eyes than those belonging to guys you think are hot. a fatass donkey-face mo-fo can look at yer tits just as easy as a hot, sexy, waxed chest gym go-er...

   that's like shoving a piece of chocolate in someone's mouth and then covering their mouth with your hand so they can't spit it out and then getting pissed off when they taste chocolate.

    Albert Einstein concept time...

         guys like tits.

  quote me on that. you intentionally flaunt your tits with the intent of turning guys on and guess what. guys look at them... who would have guessed?

 

cause/effect realationship at it's finest.

 

my name is brad,

  and you'll just have to deal with that...

alright folks,

   what the fück is up with...

 

"people" who try to spur up a conversation..

         by talking about the weather.

 

   yes, i know that silence makes some people uncomfortable, and that "the weather" is a generic thing that we can all relate to regardless of our class, beliefs, interests, etc.  but is that all you can think of to talk about? how uncreative.

 

  hot in July? no shit!

       cold in February? who would have guessed?

  

     look, if the weather is doing something extraordinary, i can understand people feeling a need to talk about it. but, if you're just trying to break the silence, just fart or something. it would be as creative and meaningful as saying, "boy, we sure got a lot of rain this week."

 

  when god himself strikes vengence upon the earth, and the landscape is dotted with thousands of tornados made up of flying carpet tacks, cars, people, broken whiskey bottles and gorilla feces, then yes, i would like to discuss what's up with "the weather."

 

my name is brad,

 and i say, screw the weather..

soooooo,

    let's talk about..

 "people" who blame a specific person for their cold because they heard them sneeze a couple of times...

    yeeeeah, it was obviously me because i own exclusive rights to the cold virus in the middle of December!

   surely you couldn't have caught it from someone else, or several other people, even though about a third of everyone in the northern hemisphere has a cold right now.   did i sneeze right at you, showering your face with a zillion little wet snot droplets?

    what's that.., i can't hear ya?

 have you been getting enough rest and exercise and vitamin C?

                        no?

  then how about.. it is i that blames.. you for catching your own damn cold, dumbass..

 you know why you have a cold?

     because..

 you fuckin' deserve one. [exclamation point]

 

       

 

my name is brad,

  and im immune to the cold virus...

 

hey everyone,

do you want to join 'the brad fanclub'

   i thought so...

 

 

it's very simple,

   all you have to do is,

copy and paste the member card into a blog,

    maybe link/promote my site a little...

     then...

get back to me, let me know you did it so i can put ya on the member list,

 

     see.. very easy.

oh,

  and your space must be set to PUBLIC.

 

 

"do you have Mountain Dew?"
 "we have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Orange Soda, and Iced Tea."
"no Mountain Dew? hmmm... do you have Dr. Pepper?"
 "we have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Orange Soda, and Iced Tea."
"grape soda?"
    "no."
"ginger ale?"
    "no.."
"hmmmm. what sodas do you have again?"
 "we have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Orange Soda, and Iced Tea"
"diet Sprite?"

 

    [ what, you need another example? fine. ]

"i want a quarter pounder... and uhhhh a medium fries..... and uhhhhhh a six piece McNuggets.. and uhhhhhhh a medium coke..... and uhhhhhh actually make that a large coke and uhhhh.. a big mac... yeah."
  "that will be $17.75. please."
(counting a big pile of loose, wrinkled bills and assorted coins)

"uhhhhhhhh... and can i get one of those pies?"
  "$18.96."
"do you still have that McRib sandwich?"
  "no ma'am."
"are you sure? that was good."
  "we just have what's up on the board..."
"ok, but i was hoping to get one of those. maybe i should talk to the manager..."
  "i am the manager. they only do the McRib as a special thing ocassionally." [manager is 18 years old]
"ok...... [looks up at the menu board for a long time as if it's all new. still scanning for McRib.] and uhhhhhh... if i get a combo, can i exchange my drink for another thing of french fries? ok... uhhhh - change that to a combo and give me double fries...... uhhhhhh and... uhhhhh can i get a quarter pounder with cheese? what do you want, baby?"

[ four year old child continues picking his nose and points at the picture of a double quarter pounder with cheese]

"no, no, baby. you're not getting that. what do you want?"

[child continues picking his nose and points at the picture of an ice cream cone]

"c'mon baby, that's dessert. you want a burger?"

[child buries his face in his mother's hip and she continues to try to coax him to make his own decision about what to eat]

"ok, just give me a Happy Meal."
  "$22.49."
[still shuffling through a big pile of bills and coin]

"ummmmmmmmm... how much will if it be if i add a medium shake?"
  "$25.37."
"ohh! i forgot to tell you i had a coupon for that value meal."

 

at this point, enough time has elapsed that i have constructed a crude homemade gun out of the ketchup bin, a napkin dispenser, a couple straws and the plastic head of the Mayor McCheese statue from the play area and threaten to kill the fücker if he doesn't hurry up...

  due to the death threats; screaming ensues, though the child continues picking his nose. and as always; the fries are still soggy...

 

my name is brad,

  and "i'm luvin' it.."